yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
