my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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