New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize