I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
