I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
