Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
