White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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