a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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