i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
