Me too!
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
