you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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