if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
