I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
