Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
How does it feel to date your dad?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
