the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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