They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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