I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
