They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
