I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
