dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
