Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
