foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You dont lie about slip and slides
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
