I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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