My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
