did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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