Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
