Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
