i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
