how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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