Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
