yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
