Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
