yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
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