You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
