Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
