There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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