I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
