Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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