I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
