my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
