So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
