theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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