just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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