wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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