the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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