I think im going to throw up on grandma
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
