Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize