He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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