Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
