dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize