I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
