I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
