I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
