What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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