I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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