no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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