did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
