No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
