I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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