thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
