so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
