It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
