if i can run in heels then i can drive
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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