im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
