i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
