I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
