You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I look better un-naked...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
